Check out the first four parts of our story before you read this one!
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
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It had been over a month since I had last talked to Josh, and I was so confused. Had I done or said something to upset him? Was he tired of talking to me? Why hadn't he given me any indication that he didn't want to talk to me anymore?
My dear friend, Angela, and I had made plans to spend an afternoon and evening together on September 20th. After much debate about what we wanted to do with ourselves, we decided to head to Legacy Village to window shop and get dinner and dessert at the Cheesecake factory.
During dinner I told Angela some of my frustrations about my communication with Josh. She and her husband, Peter, had communicated long distance on facebook before their courtship, so she understood the complications of it.
"Couldn't you just come up with something to talk to him about to spur the conversation on a little bit? Like, at the end of October you could wish him a Happy Reformation Day, or something like that."
"But the end of October is SO far away!"
Not able to come up with a good solution, we began to look through the dessert menu. All the different kinds of cheesecake looked delicious!
"There's a red-velvet cheesecake in here. Josh told me that's his favorite kind of cake."
"Well then, why don't you get it and then you can tell him that you tried it?!"
I laughed. "It might work. It would at least be something to talk about. But no. I can't do that. That'd be silly. What if I didn't even like it?" I talked and reasoned myself out of it, and settled on Oreo Cookie cheesecake, one of my favorites.
The waiter came to our table and asked what we would like. Angela ordered a slice of Double Chocolate (YUM!) and then the waiter turned and looked at me
"And what can I get for you?"
I smiled and opened my mouth to respond. I had every intention of telling him that I'd like that delicious Oreo cheesecake. But instead I heard myself say, "I'll take red-velvet, please."
Angela, on the other side of the table, just about lost it. As the waiter walked away with our orders, we both burst out laughing. I couldn't believe I'd just done that!
Fortunately for me, when our after dinner treats came, the red-velvet cheesecake was delicious! And since I had done the difficult part and ordered that particular dessert AND ate it AND loved it, I had to tell Josh about it. So back to Angela and Peter's house we went where I logged into my facebook and sent him a quick message:
"I had red velvet cheesecake tonight and it was SO good! Thanks for the suggestion ;)" (yes, I really did put a winking face :O).
And, O! I was so happy when I wasn't in suspense for very long. When I got home that evening, there was a response waiting for me that just about made my insides leap for joy. Josh told me that he was glad there was another red-velvet fan in the world, apologized for not responding to my last post, and filled me in on the fact that he had just been promoted at work.
Well, it was just a $5 dessert, but it was so much more. That dessert started up a whole new conversation for Josh and I, one that, despite it's challenges, never really stopped. But now I'm getting ahead of myself. You'll just have to wait for part 6 to hear more about that... ;)
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Joshua:
The days between Ashley's and my last Facebook post had been busy ones for me. I continued to pray about Ashley. And I was praying about my calling – I knew I was called to go back to seminary eventually, but also sensed that I needed to keep working. A leadership position became open at my job, and I applied and interviewed for it that September.
On September 20, I found out that I got the promotion. But what really made me smile that night was that I also got a Facebook message from Ashley! My heart jumped as I read her short but meaningful message: “Just thought I'd let you know that I had red-velvet cheesecake tonight and it was SOOOO good! Thanks for the recommendation ;)”
After reading her message, I realized that not talking to Ashley wasn't going to help any. The feelings I had for her and the qualities I admired in her hadn't changed, and I just felt stupid for not responding to her before. I was still attracted to her sweetness: she remembered my favorite kind of cake and had tried it. I was still attracted to her fun, joyful personality: her all CAPS delight in the cake and her winky smiley face. (Yes, that was a winner!) And most importantly, even though I had been silent...she was still my friend.
And to top it all off, that big news in my life? I knew that I really wanted to share it with Ashley. She really had become an important friend to me. Our conversations over the summer had not been a passing fad.
I replied to Ashley that I was glad she enjoyed it, and apologized for not responding. I told her that I had been cutting back on my Facebook time...which was true. What I couldn't tell her was that it was because I was trying to figure out what to do with my feelings for her! I did share with her some of the responsibilities and perks of my new job, and that I was glad there was one more red-velvet fan in the world.
I knew that night that while I still thought I should take my time to get to know Ashley, silence wasn't an option. Those messages on September 20th began a new conversation between us. As Ashley told me how the beginning of nursing school was going, and I filled her in more about my new job and told her I would pray for her, I realized again how much I enjoyed talking to this young woman...and that though I wanted to take it slow, I didn't want our conversation to end...
