The first time I saw you
I knew love at first sight must be true, so true, oh so true
And now I just have to explain why I feel this way
I feel joy, I feel pain
You're in my heart and it's tearing me apart
'Cause I love you, I love you, I love you!
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*Before you begin reading part III of our story, I'd like to mention here that Josh and I have a slight chronological difference when we recall the day of the wedding. He very clearly remembers having the following conversation with me after we danced, while I remember this conversation coming before we danced. For the sake of clarity on the part of our readers, however, I've rearranged my side of the story to fit with his timeline...
Ashley:
"Would you like to dance?" I turned to see Josh standing beside me.
I paused before accepting, my heart skipping a beat as we headed out to the floor where I warned him that I wasn't all that great at dancing, and he issued the same caution about himself. He took my hands in his and I could feel them trembling a bit as we laughed at our meager attempts at dancing. I was smitten by this man.
The music ended, and we separated for a bit before Joshua caught my attention yet again. "So, what made you decide to become a nurse?
I told him how a lot of my aunts and cousins were nurses and how helpful they were not only to the patients that they worked with, but also to their families. I talked about how I thought it would be a benefit to my future family for me to have the skills set of a nurse.
He questioned me again. "Is that what you've always wanted to do?"
To this day, it's still a mystery to me why I answered him the way that I did. Seldom that summer did I tell people how I really felt about college. Seldom did I explain that I had mixed feelings about my nursing major; that despite the fact that being a nurse would be useful and interesting, I really just wanted to be a wife and a mother, and at times felt that pursuing a major would get in the way of my true calling. Unless I had a large portion of time to explain myself, I didn't really branch out on the subject with people. But for some reason that day, I told the whole thing to a complete stranger.
An interested look crossed his face as I told him these things, though at the time I didn't know if that look was because he thought I was crazy, or if it was because he liked what I was saying.
Eager to hear more about Josh, I asked him why he felt called into the ministry. I listened intently as he told me how he had been encouraged by his mom to read from an early age and during middle school began to read theology books. He explained that around that same time he began to see more clearly not only his own need for a Savior, but also the need for others to know the love of Christ. At that point, he told me, he began to feel a call towards ministry, something which had grown stronger ever since. As I listened to him speak, I was drawn to this man in a way I'd never been drawn to anyone before. I was instantly attracted, and - dare I say - in love with his love for the Lord and his desire to serve Him.
The reception flew by, and before we knew it, it was time for the send off and the bridal party pictures. Pictures were a lot of fun, but over too soon. I watched as the groomsmen got ready to leave and tried to get close enough to Josh to say goodbye before he left, but unfortunately I wasn't able to fight through the crowd of attendants to catch him before he headed off with some of the other guys.
I cried as I drove home that night. There was an overwhelming amount of emotions swirling around in my head...Ashlee was married and would be moving away...the much anticipated and planned for wedding was over...and then there was that thought that I kept trying to suppress; Why did I miss Joshua Grimm so much?
"Is it at all possible that he could be THE one?" The thought startled and confused me, and I felt a sense of devastation as I left him behind. He lived 10 hours away; how could anything possibly happen between the two of us, in the unlikely event that he had any of the same thoughts about me?
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Joshua:
“Would you like to dance?” I asked.
She smiled, looked down for a second, then cheerfully said, “Sure!”
My heart began racing again as I took her hands in mine. Asking a girl to dance was very out of character for me at the time, but in that moment with her, I felt free to just have fun. Whatever dance we tried doing wasn’t very good, and we were both laughing at ourselves the majority of the time. Part way through the song, I slowed down, and Ashley took that as a sign that I wanted to stop dancing. She turned away from me, but I caught her hand and said “Don’t give up on me!” We finished out the dance, and I was again drawn in by Ashley’s joy.
After dancing we ended up talking with other people, but at some point Ashley's and my path crossed again. I was sitting by the dance floor where she had been taking pictures. I was certainly enamored with her, but I can’t explain why I wanted to know this girl so much. Her answers about school hadn’t satisfied me earlier - there was something more to her than just wanting to be a nurse.
“So, what made you want to be a nurse?” She talked about the practical benefits of using it for her own future family, mentioned that she had nurses in her extended family, and wanting to serve others through it.
“But is there something you’ve always wanted to do?” I pressed.
“Well, I’ve always wanted to be a wife and mother.”
With those words, she melted my heart. Somehow in that moment, I really could see her being a wonderful (and beautiful!) wife and mother. “This could be…the girl!” I thought to myself.
Ashley asked me why I felt called to ministry. As I told her about different ways God worked in my life, I saw this beaming, glowing smile come across her face as her head was slightly tilted as she listened to me. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and I thought again… “This could be the girl!” In those few moments, I struggled to keep my inner composure, all the while feeling love for her that I had never felt for anyone ever before.
Later, the bridal party left the reception to take pictures. We groomsmen were tired and ready to get our long trip back to NC over with, but I’ll never forget Ashley’s big smile as she reminded us, “Its time to take pictures!” As we took our pictures, I tried to get close to Ashley again, and was more successful this time in making conversation and jokes about things happening around us.
Eventually, it came time to leave. Ashley was sitting on the floor looking spaced out but deep in thought.
“I should tell her goodbye,” I thought. But maybe I was crazy. She was 5 years younger than me and just about to start college! And what should I say - given what I had felt, how could I say goodbye without coming across as too forward? In the end, I thought too much about it and didn’t know what to say. I reasoned that if was meant to be, I'd have a chance to talk with her again some other time. With that I left with the other groomsmen to go back home.
On the long drive back, I still thought about Ashley. "What should I make of the feelings I experienced? Will I ever really talk to her again? She is so sweet and so beautiful…"
