The Things My Husband Says When He's Asleep... | Personal

I've been planning this blog post for over a month and am just now getting around to actually posting it :P One night last month, I woke up to use the restroom at about 3am. When I came back to bed, Josh was making some funny noises. The following dialog is the half asleep, slurred answer that he gave me along with a whole bunch of random statements that he rattled off... Part way through I realized that this could actually go on for quite a while and I wouldn't be able to remember everything, so I started writing it down...He was responsive the whole way through, but definitely not awake, as you'll probably be able to tell ;)

_______________________________________

Me: "Babe, are you ok?"

Josh: "Yeah. I’m on the island." 

Me: "Huh?" 

"I’m on the island." 

Me: "Do you know what you just said?" 

"Yeah, I don’t know why I said it but I feel like a kangaroo. Hippity hop hop! I made a funny! I’m a late night comedian. Now make me a biscuit. With lots of bacon!!!!" 

"I wonder if orangoutangs drink orange juice. And if Dick VanDyke likes chess nuts. I’m really glad there’s Krispy Kreme in London, but they really need to have maple syrup in Arizona. *laughs hysterically* Do you think God would be mad if you ate fruity pebbles while you drive an airplane? What size is ant poop? I think sugarplum fairies drink marmalade. 

 I’m not sure if Bugs Bunny was gay or not. I wonder what would happen if you put Lucky Charms in a blender. Would you get a rainbow smoothie? I really want chocolate milk right now because it comes from black cows. Black cows are cooler than white cows.

Me: "Are you ready to go back to sleep now? Or are you still asleep?"

Josh: "Oh, I’m awake! I’m as awake as a gorilla is a cruise ship. You know, I used to know a guy named John Paul. He wore knickerbockers."

Me: "Where do you come up with this stuff, love?"

I really did  know a guy named John Paul. I don’t think he wore knickerbockers though. Only Santa Clause wears knickerbockers cause Mrs. Clause likes it...I really want a Fred Flintstone vitamin right now. If an oreo talked to a gummy bear in a bar, what would he say?

Me- "What?"

*laughs to himself* you want some stuffing? 

Me- "Ready to go to sleep now? Are you sure you’re ok?"

"Yup, I’m just high on life."

...a few minutes later he started laughing hysterically again... 

"I just had this thought that I pooped out a pop tart. The whole darn pop tart! It was one of those golden brown ones, I don’t remember what it’s called - maybe a honey graham? No, they don’t have those, a smore on maybe. Hahahahah! It’s a cinnamon one! That’s what it was, Cinnamon!!!! Hahahaha!"