New Beginnings | Our story, Part VI

• Part 1- First Impressions
• Part 2- Second Chances
• Part 3- Love At Third Sight
• Part 4- Four Sweet Months
• Part 5- Just A $5 Dessert

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills my mind

I somehow find, you and I collide

______________________________

Ashley:

          I wish that I had journaled more frequently over these next few months because it is all such a blur in my mind . . .

          After the red velvet incident started up our conversations again, we began talking more frequently, exchanging messages every few days. But at some point- and I can’t remember exactly when it happened- Josh slowed everything down an incredible amount...and since we’d already been taking it slowly, it was as if we’d gone from 10 to 2 miles per hour. I would send him a message, and he wouldn’t reply until at least two weeks later. And it seemed that nothing I did would make him communicate any faster. God was again teaching me patience.  

         On Christmas Day, I was tired of waiting for a reply from him. I sent him a facebook message, apologizing for skipping his turn, but wishing him a Merry Christmas. He replied back that same day, telling me about his Christmas in Georgia with his family and the surprise snowfall that they’d gotten. We exchanged half a dozen messages that day, but it didn’t really change anything. We went back into our old routine of messages every few weeks. I remember telling my friend Rachel that it was as if our conversations never got any deeper than, “What’s your favorite color.”

         I continued to struggle with waiting for God’s timing in all of it. Sometimes it felt as if we were just wasting our time- if our friendship wasn’t to develop into anything more, than what were we doing? 

         I couldn't figure it out. Was the delay in his responses because he was tired of talking to me? Ruby suggested just not responding to one of his messages and seeing what he did- if he pursued the conversation with me than at least I’d have a better idea of what was going on...I decided to give it a shot, not really thinking it would do any good.

         Ashlee reminded me that it’s a girl’s job to wait and a guy’s job to pursue. “I know that, but sometimes I really just wish I could come right out and ask him if he has any interest in me. But I’d never do that, because it’s not my place, I don’t have the guts, and I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

         “But Ashley”, she replied, “It’ll have to end at some point. If there’s nothing between the two of you than he’ll marry some other girl and you’ll find another guy and you won’t be able to be friends like you are now.”

         I sighed. It seemed hopeless. But I planted a bug in Ashlee’s ear that night- one that suggested that Daniel mention it to Josh. I knew that Josh and Daniel were scheduled to make a trip to their alma mater, Erskine College, the following Monday...but I didn’t really think Daniel would say anything. 

          Apparently Daniel did have a conversation with Josh that mentioned my name a time or two because on Monday evening, Joshua initiated a chat on my email with me (this was a first for us- it was so much more like a real conversation instead of a well thought out message!). When I saw his name and the first line of his chat on my computer screen, I started shaking and my teeth started chattering. No joke. And that continued throughout our entire conversation and even afterwards. I was so excited and nervous.

         He asked me how I was doing and told me about his trip to Erskine with Daniel. We discussed the new Sunday School class he was teaching at church and his recent sermon. At the end of our conversation I apologized for not responding to his last facebook message, “Oh yeah, I saw you on here and was like, ‘Hey, Ashley’s on, I haven’t heard from her in a while,’ so I decided to talk to you!” 

        Apparently Ruby was right.

        Whatever Daniel said to Josh made an incredible difference and just like that our friendship turned a corner. We started talking about deeper things, asking more hard hitting questions, and truly getting to know one another. This man continued to make an impression on me . . . and that scared me. Because this man, like none other I had ever known, was someone I would absolutely consider marrying. But I didn’t really know him. Not in person, that is. What if I spent some time with him again in person and I didn’t even like him? Would all this be for nothing again? 

         And I was about to get my answer. On February 24th, Josh and I chatted again. He told me that he had heard from Daniel that I would be in Charlotte during my spring break, and he asked if he could come visit me. I had previously caught wind of this from Ashlee, so my parents and I had already talked and prayed about it. I told him yes. Yes, I would love to see him. 

        And so it was set. On March 19th, I would get to see Joshua Andrew Grimm for the first time in 10 months. 

____________________________

Joshua:

         Ashley and my Facebook messages continued to be more frequent. We shared prayer requests for school, work, and family, and what our holiday plans were. Christmas finally came, and I'll never forget when Ashley sent me a message that day to wish me a merry Christmas, even though it was technically my “turn” in our conversations. I looked at some pictures she had posted on Facebook from her time with her family, and I knew I was still smitten by Ashley's beauty, sweetness, and friendship. But I also hadn't taken the next step yet in terms of how and if to move the friendship forward.

          One day in January, I went to visit Erskine with my best friend, Daniel. Daniel was, of course, married to Ashley's best friend, Ashlee. Shortly after we got on to the interstate in Charlotte, Daniel asked me how things were going with Ashley...and what my intentions were. I told him what my obstacles were to moving our friendship beyond where it was – that Ashley was 5 years younger than me, and that we may have some theological differences. I felt called to ministry – would those differences be an obstacle for us?

         Daniel pondered for a moment and then challenged me – had I asked Ashley deeper questions to find out if any of those things I was concerned about were really obstacles? Did I really know if she wasn't mature enough for me or that the theological difference that I suspected was real? Would it be worth it to pursue these issues further?
         My reply? "No...and no. But yes...I definitely think it would be worth it.” But it really scared me.

        While from January to March we would go on to have Facebook messages on deeper topics, two breakthrough conversations took place on Gchat that were very meaningful. The first came on January 17, the night I returned from my trip to Erskine with Daniel. I had hoped Ashley would be on chat – I may have seen her on before when I was invisible ;) - and she was. With my heart pounding through my chest, I messaged her at 9:48. And for 8 agonizing minutes, I didn't hear back from her. My mind went to the worst – maybe she didn't really want to talk to me that much, maybe she had gotten tired and given up on me – but I tried to tell myself that maybe she was just away from her computer or busy. At 9:56, Ashley messaged me back. We had our first “live” conversation since the wedding...And I loved it. We bantered about my time with Daniel , I picked on her about not replying to my last Facebook message sooner, we talked about her day, and we talked about a sermon I recently preached on Psalm 50 – as it turned out, one of her favorite Psalms. When Ashley said that she would “love to” hear my sermon if I could upload it, she made my heart jump. She came across as sweet, as fun, and as godly as the girl I had become friends with through our months of on and off Facebook posts.

        Our next major chat came on February 24. Ashley had mentioned that her head was about to explode from studying too much, so I thought it would be a good time to distract her. She told me I looked like the actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt – or, that he looked like me. In some way I couldn't logically explain, her comment made me feel special. We bantered back and forth about the young adult Bible study she was had been at that evening and TV shows we watched...and then I asked Ashley about visiting her when she came down to visit Daniel and Ashlee in March. She said that she would love to see me, and my heart just about leapt out of my chest. We recounted our memories of meeting each other, and how neither of us would have thought we would still be talking 8 months later. I told Ashley at the end of our conversation that I was excited about seeing her and she told me she was super excited and “:D :D :D.”
           I still tried to guard my heart – I wanted to see how we would be together in person after all this time apart – but as we ended that chat, I had an excitement I hadn't felt before about getting to see someone. Ashley's sweetness, thoughtfulness, love for the Lord, and fun personality made me enjoy her friendship, and I could feel my heart longing to know her more. As I prayed for discernment and wisdom, it was becoming clearer to me that Ashley and I were developing a special friendship. While I was scared to put it to the “in-person” test, I was excited beyond belief to countdown to seeing Ashley in person again!